This phone makes me look a lot chubbier than I actually am and these are the only two acceptable poses!!!!
16歳の 2月7日
志望日本のパンク
私はRUFIO午前 ♥
ask / tweet
sometimes i think about making a comic / zine about my life lol
birthday wishlist
i make these every year… considering i have a birthday every year
- red headphone splitter
- black sequin toms (ok my sister and i swore off toms… but i can’t resist the sequins)
- baggu backpack in “nutmeg”
- baggu bag in any color !!!
- rosebud salve in a tube
- new sketchbooks, markers, pens
and the list goes on…
stupid
a possibly long rant/vent about how annoying and irrational my mom could be.
so this morning i found a letter than jon wrote me ontop of my dad’s desk, and i already knew it would be my mom that put it there. and i know for a fact that this letter was on my desk. so when she came home i asked her why she took and read the letter, and she was like “it was in your room and i wanted to see what your friend wrote.” and i told her that she shouldn’t do that because i feel really uncomfortable with her reading and looking through personal belongings. and then i brought up about how i found an old photo of me and leon in her goddamn purse and she says to me, “all i wanted to do was ask you about it.” i tell her that i don’t like that she goes through my room, looking through my desk, drawers, etc etc etc and that i need her to respect my privacy. she defends herself by saying, “i was just putting your phone away in your room.” which really doesn’t defend anything at all. i tell her if the picture was on the floor in plainsight and she happens to see it and pick it up, sure okay whatever. but that picture was NOT in plainsight, it was buried under papers on my drawers and therefore i KNOW she looks through my fucking shit. i begin to tell her that i want her to respect my privacy and she fucking says to me, “the point of this conversation is that you need to clean up your room.” what? seriously, what? that wasn’t even spoken about until she mentioned it. she proceeds to tell me that the only TWO REASONS i should talk is when 1) it’s about money and 2) i hurt her feelings. that seriously gets me yelling at her about how ridiculous she is and then she tells me to fucking shut up.
i can never get along with her. i never will get along with her. we will have our moments, but they are only temporary. it’s sad to see my relationship with my mom like this, but she’s proven to me that she will never ever fucking change. when she knows she’s wrong, she’ll bring up some other shit i did AGES ago just to make her feel like she’s right.
my mother is the reason why i feel so strongly about certain things. she is the reason why i value so much privacy when i’m in relationships, although my significant other tends to think that i’m hiding something. she’s the reason why i prefer to be isolated from my family, because i’m so fucking tired of her bullshit. she’s the reason why i’m so driven into feminism, she’s the reason why i’m craving for independence and isolation, she’s the reason why i desire for an escape from home, she’s the reason why i prefer spending time with friends over family, she’s the reason why i never want children.
the sad thing is, all of my siblings have dealt with her bullshit. even my dad. we go off on rants (i mean, look at me now) about how egotistic, self-concerned/centered, uneducated, foolish, crazy, etc etc etc she is… she refuses to ever admit she’s wrong until one of us is crying out of anger and frustration. all four of us have been driven to a point at yelling at the top of our lungs at her, and she still hasn’t learned at all. whatsoever. the four of us are capable of changing and learning for/because of one another, but not her. and i truly believe she will stay like this forever. sometimes i feel like my dad only stays with her because he’s too much of a good and traditional man.
i feel like my mother is the way she is because of childhood repression. she never had a say in her family of ten or more (i don’t even know), and growing up, it was her parents’ word or you’re kicked out of the house. i’m sure a shit ton has happened to her, which is why she is the way she is… but man. i’ve never met a person who was so unwilling to change and to learn for the happiness of their loved ones.
